


It Was All at Once I Knew (It's Been You)

by westenrawme



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Comfort, Confessions, F/F, big feelings!!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-05
Updated: 2020-12-05
Packaged: 2021-03-09 20:54:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,414
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27892663
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/westenrawme/pseuds/westenrawme
Summary: Beau and Yasha finally get around to having That Talk™.
Relationships: Beauregard Lionett/Yasha
Comments: 6
Kudos: 131





	It Was All at Once I Knew (It's Been You)

Beau knows love.

Or at least she thought she did. There had been Tori, whom she deeply cared for and admired until even that blew up in her face. But still, she had never been driven to extravagant displays of affection like she absolutely was doing right now.

Being unable to find any semblance of flowers in the frozen lands the Mighty Nein have found themselves in, she doubled her efforts in the latter part of her plan. What started out as a response letter to Yasha’s beautiful and heartachingly penned token, has now somehow turned into operation: Woo One Yasha Nydoorin. She’d asked Caleb if it would be possible to completely change her sparring room to look like a beachscape at twilight or something equally extravagant. Or perhaps a warm and comfy cabin, flower dried and pressed into frames in the walls. Or!--at which point Caleb asserted that he’s sure Yasha doesn’t need a fantastical performance to know she’s appreciated. Beau would agree, but it doesn’t change the fact that she deserves it.

Her lack of decisiveness is what has brought her here, standing in her room waiting for Yasha to walk into her room which she proposed she visit after finishing up dinner. Beau herself practically inhaled her plate of pancakes and pie before floating as quickly as she could (not very) up to her room. Minutes passed as she passed around, thinking about the soft barbarian. She berates herself, looking around at her plain room, wishing she could have come up with something to make the moment more special for Yasha. As she’s about to go over and straighten out a few of her notes she must have discarded on the table near the fireplace, there’s a soft knock at the door. The monk’s heart seizes in her chest for a moment at the sound of it before she finds her voice and lets out a strangled “Come in!”

The door is opened and there she is, the amazingly strong and soft woman who has completely won all her affections. “Beau,” it comes out like a sigh. “Uh, you mentioned you wanted to talk.” Yasha closes the door as she enters and walks further into the room until she's standing about a foot away from the monk. Even at this distance, Beau finds it hard to gather herself.

“Er, yeah.. Uhm.” Her hands shake slightly as she tries to recall the carefully contrived words she had remembered specifically for this moment, but--as her luck would have it--when standing in front of the barbarian herself, any and all thoughts were discarded for a scramble of synonyms of the word beautiful. Yasha takes a few steps closer and, as if sensing Beau’s anxiety, gracious as she is, brings a hand to touch Beau’s wrist to try and settle her. There’s a concerned crinkle in her brow and Beau worries that if she doesn’t start talking in full sentences the taller woman will begin to think she’s having an aneurysm.

“Beau, are you--”

“You mean a lot to me.” It’s said in the softest of voices, Yasha, despite standing mere inches away from her, almost doesn’t catch it. “Like a lot.” She emphasizes while letting out a shaky sigh. “And that’s really fucking scary.” _This is happening. This is happening._

Yasha almost looks taken aback before the confused look returns once again. “Did something--”

“I-- I’m really sorry I never want to be the person who cuts you off and I know I already did it like three seconds ago, but I just… I really need to get this out.” The shorter woman looks up at her looking for the approval to start speaking again. As Yasha nods, she continues. “I keep trying to figure out when the next shoe will drop and it hasn’t. This thing between you and I, these feelings, have gone well beyond much of what I could’ve ever imagined. This is the most serious I think I’ve ever felt about anyone and it’s amazing and kind of perfect but sometimes it makes me so--”

“Scared.” Yasha finishes, breathless, like she’d been holding her breath until that moment.

Beau nods, “Terrified.” She looks up with a sigh before looking around the room. Her eyes eventually lock again with the mismatched ones of the Aasimar. “I’ve been alone a good chunk of my life, I think I got comfortable in that. When you’re alone you only have to trust yourself and when shit goes wrong you know exactly who to blame. But meeting everyone, meeting you, somewhere along this insane journey I made a decision that, for a long time, I was sure I’d never make. I made the decision to stop being alone. I’ve seen and experienced more love and care than I ever have in my entire life and I want to keep that. I want that. And I want you, so bad Yasha.”

Yasha’s lips part in a way that says she’s having a hard time catching her breath. “I’m not just telling you this because we might die soon. I mean, call me a romantic, but I really do think we would’ve ended up here one way or the other.” It’s a clear attempt to break the tension, but the earnest tone remains. There’s a second where they both seem to take that statement in. The inevitably of their stories diverging in this way. Them growing towards one another. How this is no accident.

“But…” It’s a choked sound, barely even a word. Beau’s never been the best at holding her tongue and old habits die hard. “I’m not Zuala. I’m not, I can’t. I really want something with you, but sometimes I get so scared that you’ll realize one day that I can’t replace what she was for you and it’s part of the reason I think I waited so long to--” She stumbles there a bit, mainly because she lost so much of her breath to ensuring the words come out full. “To say any of this.”

There’s a pause where Beau finishes speaking where she can only hear her heartbeat in her ears mixing with a deep breath from the woman staring back at her. The monk almost regrets it. Not that any of it is untrue but she hadn’t planned to bring up Zuala or any of her insecurities surrounding it, especially so soon. Nothing is turning out how she wanted it to and she almost screams “psych!” in Yasha’s face to spare herself the embarrassment before the silence is being filled with a soft voice.

“No. Beau that’s…” Yasha pinches her eyes shut and shakes her head slightly. “I loved Zuala. I love her, even now. That love… the love I have for her I can’t… I will be carrying it with me forever. Nothing could ever replace her.” She furrows her eyebrows in an intent manner before continuing. “But Beau, I’ve never wanted you as anything other than who you are. The way I feel about you now, I can’t imagine being anywhere else but by your side. I wouldn’t want to be.”

The blue and purple eyes are filled with such sincerity and purpose that Beau doesn’t think she could look away if she tried. 

“Gods,” the tears are visible now, almost spilling over. “This feels so big.”

“It’s just me.” Yasha says, so fucking _soft_ , like that would in any way ease the intensity of what she’s feeling right now. Beau lets out a wet chuckle, the movement causes the first tear to fall. In a moment Yasha’s hand is touching her face, wiping it away. Beau melts in an instant, bringing a hand up to cover the one Yasha has placed on her cheek and turning slightly to place a soft fervent kiss into her palm and they both close their eyes for a moment at the contact.

Yasha breathes in shakily before pulling Beau into a warm embrace. Her next words are whispered into the shell of Beau’s ear. “I never thought I would be able to feel any of these things again. I didn’t even think I deserved it. But you make me feel so worthy, Beau. So cared for. So heard and seen. How was I… I couldn’t not feel things for you. Impossible from the start.”

The words wash over Beau as she rests her forehead against Yasha’s chest. A deep breath, then another. One tear falls, then another. “Thank you.”

**Author's Note:**

> This was self-indulgent for the most part. I just love what they are to each other and how well they care for one another. Can’t wait to see what Beau has up her sleeve and how this story develops. Pls do not ask for anything more than this, I have never written any sort of fiction and frankly I'm afraid this will read like an academic paper and for that I am sorry but it’s all I got. I still cried while writing so!! Beauyashas start manifesting early pls, could use a meal in these trying times. title's from it's always been you by ray lamontagne which is undoubtably a beauyasha song.  
> Tumblr: shootersforbeau


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